09.09.08
Not sleeping too good tonite. It’s 3:57 a.m. and I am wide awake.
 
I talked to Suzi at the support group about my emotions toward the end of last week, and obviously NOW.  She said my lack of estrogen has caused that. The chemo hits the estrogen everywhere, from the pituitary gland to the fat cells, ‘everywhere!’ You’d think if the chemo can penetrate the fat cells and get the estrogen, it could also do a number on the fat as well! NOT!!!1
 
Oh! As I was pulling out of the parking lot of  CTRC last night, I realized I was without a headlight. I have not had reason to drive at night for a while now and I guess my right headlight died. So, off to the Ford place later this a.m. to get a new one. It’s lasted three years, I guess that is good.
 
I have to share this story from Sunday.
After I dropped Willie and Waylon off at Rio Cibolo for the benefit, Patricia and I both were starving! So, off to the nearest eatery, which happened to be a truck stop restaurant. Anyway, the waitress was a good life lesson for all! She was so positive! Had one of those “cute” accents. (She was from Memphis)
There were a couple of regulars in there and Patricia and myself. Anyway, by her talking to the regulars, you could tell she wasn’t from the area. So, when coming to check on us, I asked her what brought her to “our neck of the woods” so to speak. She proceded to tell the story of her daughter living with her father (down here) and her grades dropping. She indicated her daughter had always been an “A” student. So, she picked up her stuff and moved down here from Memphis in December. Her daughter is again, an “A” student. I asked where she lived and she is living in a trailer on the same property her husband and his new wife live. I stated I thought that was pretty amazing that they could all live that close to each other.
Not ever being a parent I thought her next comment was pretty profound. She said:
“Like I told my daughter’s father, We have to Love her  MORE than we dislike each other!” Boy, that spoke volumes with me! How neat to be able to look at things that way! Pretty interesting gal.
I found myself wanting to find her another job. She was a bookeeper for years. Until, however, she can find something else, she is waitressing ’cause she needs this money. Pretty admirable!
Something I also found interesting, I commented on her eyes. She has one brown and one blue eye. Really unusual. She thanked me for noticing, and told me in Memphis, she was a guys bookeeper for 10 years and he NEVER noticed that distinguishing feature. She said in Memphis noone looks anyone in the eyes. She noticed it was quite different down here.
 
Yoo Hoo! I Love my service guy at Bluebonnet Ford! I called him about my head light and he suggested I get it from Auto Zone or one of those places and he’ll get one of his guys to put it in! I think I’ll take him one of my dusty bottles of Bourbon!
 
Women Involved in Nurturing, Giving, Sharing: WINGS The benefit I am going to Saturday. That is what the acronym means.
 
I saved $140.00 today! I was so excited! Plus I saved a ‘dusty bottle of Bourbon’! I went to Auto Zone to get the head lamp. It was $8.99. The guy said he would put it on for me. He did and said, when your other one goes out, I’ll put it on too. So, I said, why don’t I go in and get another. I did and he put it on. It would have cost me $80.00 a piece at the dealership! Ya know, I think I will give him that bottle anyway. Look what he saved me!
 
Ran to Wal Mart after the lights and got the “last” of my pills for my “last” chemo on the 22nd! As I came out of the store it was kinda sprinkling. The further to my place I got, the wetter it was and the harder the rain came. So I got a good little down pour. I am thinking I need to go ahead and get feed and unload it before it really rains. Sounds like we are in for the rain. Sounds like Ike is going to let us know he’s around.
 
While in town to get feed, I ran into the Fire Chief and head of the EMT’s. I brought up my med bracelet and the cancer and the importance of ‘awareness’. We may get something going community wise to bring some awareness for this damn disease!
We’ll see what happens!

09.08.08
 
Had blood work today! It was 3.1. Jennifer, the other hand of Dr. Lang, said, it all looks good! I am NOT anemic or any of that “bad” stuff!
 
Went to the support group tonite. It is only the second time I have gone. I missed last month. Anyhow, the group lost a member last week. It was interesting to see the grieving and healing going on.
 
Suzi, Dr. Lang’s “main” right hand has been heading this group for 27 years on a ‘volunteer’ basis ! Unbelievable! Lots of interesting journeys in the room, for sure!
 
I am going to a “WINGS” benefit Saturday night at the Omni Hotel. WINGS (I’ll have to look up what it means) anyhow, they pay for mammograms and the like for women that can’t afford them. Should be an interesting night. I am going with a gal that is a friend of Cindy’s. She is a survivor and so she, her ex husband, and I are going to go together.
 
It’s late (11:11 p.m.) for me anyway. So I am going to cut this short.
 
I do have to say, what an AWESOME email from Joy Dawn this p.m. Only one I was able to read through completely! It’s great to have the reinforcement of God’s goodness as well as the good warm feeling of “we are all where we are supposed to be!” You are Right On, Sista!

Went to Ray and Vivian’s last night. Ray’s daughter, her beau, and Vivian’s awesome, grandsons, Darius and Jaden were there! Those are the neatest boys! I miss my nephews being that age!
Anyhow, Ray grilled chicken. YUM!
It sure is nice being around good folks!
 
Abigail and I started our day gettin’ into the golf cart and going down to feed her animals.
That’s what I have to tell her in the a.m., “Come on Abigail, let’s go feed your babies!”  She runs to the door, goes outside to TT, then jumps on the seat of the golf cart!
 
Went to church, (Love my community), then came home. Each year, friends I do trailrides with bring their wagon and I take Willie and Waylon to Rio Cibolo. It is a benefit for the “Saddlelight” Riding Therapy for CP, brain damaged, etc. kiddos. Really an AWESOME organization. Anyhow a big fundraiser and we donate the afternoon and some of the evening. It really is heartwarming and great fun.
 
Anyhow, since I can’t be in the heat, I took the mules and Gerald and Jennifer did the rides themselves. I missed being around those kids, but next year, I’ll be there for sure!
 
Thats about it for the day. It was a GOOD one!
 
Tomorrow, the blood work!

09.05.08
 
Boy I thought I was whimpin’ out yesterday! My gosh! It felt like “everything” in my body was doin’ somethn’ other than what it was supposed to do. Really ODD sensations! My pulse got up to 126. I would have taken my BP at home had I remembered I  had one! (What an idiot) I used to have a manual one when I was an active EMT, but had “totally” forgotten about the automatic one yesterday. Didn’t remember it til I got to Vicki and Dennis’ house and saw there cuff. BP was fine at their house!
My eyes have been doin’ jittery things since last chemo. Coming home from the RIM with Vicki, something just went through my body! It went from the top down to my hips! All I know is NO hangover felt like this. I probably was weakening into the sensations instead of fightin’ through it! O.K., I guess I did WHIMP out!
 
Today is much better! BUT back to yesterday! Went to Vicki’s and off we went to the RIM to meet Cindy and Sandra! I got my charms put on my bracelet. ONe is the breast cancer ribbon and the other is representative of Colorado. Thank You Toby! They look awesome!
 
We all went shopping at “Charming Charlies.”  Right next to James Avery, you can accessories ‘anything’! The clothes are made for Tisha’s age AND figure! Really some cute stuff. After shopping, over to a restaurant called Mimi’s. I had a Cobb Salad which was excellent!
 
Anyhow, got back to Vicki’s about 4:45. She, Dennis, and neighbors went to see Tony Bennett last night. Also, Cindy and Greg went to the coast! I came home, fed, watched a little T.V. and was in bed by 8:30. I know I didn’t see 9:00! Slept all night til, about 6:15 this a.m. I’m just gonna take it easy today.
 
I think Patricia is coming out for  a few days, we’ll see what happens.

> 
> 09.04.08
> 
> “WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES”! Sounds like a good title for a song!
> Actually, it really got going by sister’s calling and checking in on me, and
> ending with Ray and Vivian stopping by last night. AHHHHHHH, good neighbors!
> Especially good when you have neighbors that like to laugh!
> It feels like a GREAT fall morning this morning. It feels soooo good
> outside!
> I really feel goood today! My eyes are doin’ some funny things, but they say
> that happens! Need to go to Sam’s to get dog food and eggs! It is worth the
> 18 miles to get it.
> The three dozen eggs lasts the month as does the dog food for the big ones
> outside!
>  
Pretty uneventful today. Looking forward to lunch and shopping with Cindy
> and Vicki tomorrow at the Rim! Never been there! I have been wanting to get
> some charms Toby got me on my bracelet, but haven’t yet. This store Vicki
> wants us to see is next to or real close to James Avery.
> Toby, I’ll send the pic.
> 
>

> AUGHHHHHHHHHHH! Dove season began today!
>
> Now don’t get me wrong! I have NOTHING against huntin’. I know, to keep over
> population, it needs to happen, I have NOTHIN’ against guns. I have my share
> and even have my license to carry. But my animals (dogs) HATE the noise. All
> they do is bark! Irene, my old Great Pyrenese wants in soooooo bad. And I
> can’t let her in right now. I think it goes on til the end of October.
> Damnit!
>
> Hmmm, I got to lookin’ around today and realized I needed to dust where my
> little old lady hasn’t! I am convinced she is special needs. I just have to
> be patient with her.
> But, Vicki is pickin’ me up tomorrow for Chemo Round #3, and if she comes in
> and sees dust after all they did,……let me ask ya, would you want to mess
> with someone that raised four boys??????????? I didn’t think so!
>
> I saw a few pics of cuz Sista Smiff’s new place! CUUUUUUUTE! There is
> NOTHIN’ like NEW BEGINNINGS! I remember when I found myself HERE with just
> my animals and NO other human, I changed my email to read: New Beginnings.
>
>

Talk about OVERWHELMED! I guess it started yesterday a.m. Vicki and I started talking about this on the way to chemo. I know all this is preventitive (the chemo) but it has really sunk in I think, how blessed I really feel. I know HE has a plan. Nou doubt! I daily think of Mama, Christine, Bob Brencatt, Prater, and yesterday, there was a lady that I have seen the last three trips, be it chemo or doing blood work. She has a great neighbor support group. Last time two of the neighbor girls met her there. (Much younger girls) Anyway, she had indicated she had lung cancer and they were unable to operate. Lots of spunk, piss and vinegar. Saw her yesterday and she was a different person. She was having trouble breathing, just wasn’t herself. She even said, “I think my left lung is giving up.” She wants to go back home to North Carolina and be with family. I saw her giving up. Then there was a lady next to me in chemo that, although in good spirits wasn’t doing well. I guess it all hit me this morning. Why has it been such an awesome ride for me, but not them?

I woke up this a.m. to the sound of a different bray, uh, (donkey call). This time my neighbor’s Jack has hit the Ear E View Ranch! So far he is much more polite. So, I just told them to leave him here. So far so good. If I can get some babies, YEA!

Vicki dropped by. Her best friend, when she was in junior high, her father passed away and she went to the funeral at the “Country Church” here in Marion. That was an aweful nice treat!

So, I dozed most of the day and got over whatever I was going over. Had to run and get a prescription at Wal Mart. Soooooooooo, that was my day!

I just can’t forget, “t’s All About Livin”

I SCREWED up again! I was preparing for today (#3 Round), 75% done, etc., and forgot to take that damn Prednisone! So I didn’t take it ’til after 10 last night. I obviously went to sleep before it kicked in, BUT 3:00 this a.m. up I was! I tried to fight it off til 4:00, but no way! So, I am hoping I can let the anti-nausea meds kick in and doze some.

I know the #1 question in your minds are “How is your Ass?” I am here to tell ya, good meds work wonders. Still a little tender, but MUCH better!

As soon as light hits I am out to feed than to run to Wal Mart. No crowds at 7:30 or so in the a.m. Need to get my sugar free popcicles for the second chemo of the day. As a reminder, I have to eat or drink cold while wearing frozen mittens and booties. It really isn’t sooooo bad! Matter of fact, that is usually when I doze off. I’ll eat two or three cicles and then doze off.

Did a little research on Ms. Vicki’s miscarriage. It was probably due to “respiratory distress”. Cowboy runs them ’til he or they can’t run anymore. She is not old, but at least 12. I think I am going to sell him. When I breed them I put them in a small area. But he takes them down to the ground. Just not my idea of pleasant fore play.
I need to wait til I through with all my rounds of chemo and just keep him away from the girls.

Before I give you the results of chemo today, I need to tell ya what an awesome feeling it is to have Cindy and Vicki with me! Awesome! I feels soooooooooooooooo extremely blessed!

Now, my blood count went from 3.22 to 17.67! I sure am glad I had my cap and shirt with the extra White Blood Cells! Wow! What an awesome feeling!

Chemo went great today. Sat next to some really down home folks from Castroville. The wife was quick to say, “He is Alsatian, I am Belgian”. I was seeing all she was being given and it just breaks my heart! All I can say, is I have been EXTREMELY blessed!
Gonna fix a little something to eat, then I’ll probably hit the bed!

Thank Ya’ll for all your prayers!

Sunday

I went to feed this a.m. and Ms. Vicki, my Jenny, uh, female donkey, didn’t come up. Her year + old baby Jenny, uh female donkey, didn’t either. So, out in the field I went on the old golf cart and Abigail at my side. Sure enough, there she was layin’ down with her daughter standing over her. I got her up and her back side was wet. Looked like her water had broke, or was going to. So I got her up to the barn. Just as I got her in she pooped, peeed, and out came a fully devoloped baby girl. She was maybe 12″ long. I am guessing with Cowboy gettin’ out last week and chasing her around, and doing God knows what to her (he really is rough on the girls), anyhow, I am guessing she miscarried. So had feed and water set for her, went to church, ran some errands, and by the time I got back, she was definately ready to get out. Let her out and to the hay she went. So, I am sure she is o.k.

Kinda sad. I talked to Patricia and told her what had happened and she said, “Oh, I hate hearing that.” I said, “Well I hate ’seein’ that!” If I remember right, I think this ( miscarriage)has happened only one other time and that was with a heifer (first time cow mama). so, I guess I have had it pretty easy in these 15 years. I have had babies die after birth, only two miscarriages, however.

The county is lettin’ us burn on weekends again. So, I burned some bags, twine, and cremated little Frances. All my animals have the middle name Francis after St. Francis, the Saint for Animals. She didn’t live to have a first name, but she has her middle name. Everybody and Everything that’s one of God’s creatures deserves a name.

Got almost all my grass cut yesterday! YEA! I just have the road to do. I am a low on oil, so I will get that tomorrow and get the road done probably tomorrow p.m.

Had a good day today. Was able to see some good people at church and run some errands that needed to be run.

Saturday
 
I HAVE to get grass cut! The longhorn, two mules, jack ass, and goats can’t keep up with the growth! NOT complaining about the rain, just need to get my “lazy” ass out there early and late (out of the heat).  I cut some Wednesday p.m., I’ll start tonite! I get all caught up in something on T.V., and time gets away. O.K., tonite it is.
 
Went to lunch yesterday with Patricia at River Center Mall. She has a kiddo, actually he was a kiddo in high school 25/26 years ago. Anyway, he has continued calling her just to check up on her. She describes him as her “Baby Huey” in school. Little Fat kid always gettin’ into other’s business. Smart guy! He was diagnosed bipolar and schitzophrenic. Lost ALL of his teeth by one of the drugs they had him on. Anyway, I got to meet “Greg” yesterday. Had on a suit that must have been 20 years old. Patricia said, he wears the same suit each year. Was really heart warming to hear the two of them converse. It was almost more than I could take to watch him eat though. He had terriyaki chicken and rice. Have you ever watched someone with NO teeth eat chicken pieces. He obviously couldn’t chew it, so you got to see it while he talked! Cough, Cough!
 
I came in from feeding this a.m. and got into “Homeward Bound: Incredible Jouney” on the Hallmark Channel. Talk about Heartwarming! Awesome movie!
 
I have been getting text messages from Toby off and on this week! I am so exited for him. He has been able to be part of good ‘ol History. Being in Denver, he has been able to partake in the DNC. Regardless of your party affiliations, pretty neat to be able to see the goings on. I think one night he and some of his co-workers were handling registration for, I think something Michelle Obama was involved in. I think he saw or met Nancy Pelosi and Ben Affleck. Pretty exciting!
 
I listened to Sarah Palen speak yesterday morning. What a dynamo! Boy, I was impressed! WHAT A MOTHER! Whomever Senator McCain’s aides are, sure did their homework!
This is surely going to be an interesting time for us all!


I should be finished tomorrow evening with the grass. I decided instead of bitchin’ about it I needed to get my Ass outside and do some cuttin’.  It looks soooooo much better! I just need to get to the rest of the front AND the road. So, maybe Monday morning. Let’s see what the weather does…….
 
Lookin’ forward to mass tomorrow. I haven’t seen my community folks in two weeks.